(EPIPHANY)
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
Epiphany
A woman starts to wake up after an operation. Still half
under the anesthesia, she has an epiphany and sees God
She asks, “Did I die?”
God says, “Oh no, you have another thirty years to live.”
She thinks, In that case, while I’m here in the hospital
anyway, I should have a some work done So she has a
tummy tuck, a boob job, and a face-lift.
As she’s leaving the hospital—bam!—she gets hit by an
ambulance and ends up in heaven
She asks God, “What happened?”
God shrugs his shoulders and says, “I didn’t recognize
you.”
knock
Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a
“no-bell” prize.
Nose/Feet
Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence
before making a suggestion.
lottery
A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won the
lottery?”
His wife says, “Take half and leave your ass!”
The man replies, “Great! I won twelve bucks. Here’s six.
Now get out!”
Beautiful
Johnny’s teacher told the class to say a sentence using
the word beautiful twice.
A girl sitting next to Johnny said, “My mother put on a
beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it.”
The teacher said, “Very good.”
Johnny raised his hand and said, “Last night at the dinner
table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and
he said, ‘Beautiful, really beautiful!’”
IQ
Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of sixty?
A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football
game!
Teacher
A teacher asks a student, “Are you ignorant or just
apathetic?”
The kid answers, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
School
It was the first day of school. Harry’s mother went into
his bedroom and said, “Come on, Harry, get up now You
have to go to school today.”
“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry. “I want
to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”
“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”
Fishing
One fi ne day, a priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to
all go fi shing. They manage to get to the water, and off
they go
One hour later, the minister says, “I think I forgot the
food!” He steps off the boat, walks across the water, gets
the picnic basket, and walks back!
Then, the rabbi says, “Oy vey! I forgot the drinks.” He
steps right off the boat and walks across the water to
get the drinks
By this time, the priest is very frustrated! He excuses
himself, and as he steps out of the boat, he falls in the water
and drowns
The minister turns to the rabbi and says, “You think we
should have told him about the rocks?”
Golfing
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them in the office, and
they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s
activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8:00
pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman
to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass
and dirt
Confused, she nonetheless complied, and he slipped into
his shoes and drove home
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he
entered the house
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been
having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed
and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar!
You’ve been playing golf!”
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Post Address: https://pepasbestjokes.com/2023/01/10/epiphany/
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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