Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks

up your daughter

Born

Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Rhode Island?

A: God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Subject

A bank robber pulls out a gun, points it at the teller, and

says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”

The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say, ‘Or

you’re history’?”

The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

Best Friend

If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put

your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back

an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy

to see you.

Scared

Dad: “Can I see your report card, son?”

Son: “I don’t have it.”

Dad: “Why?”

Son: “I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his

parents.”

Bird

Teacher: “Name a bird with wings but can’t fly.”

Student: “A dead bird, sir.”

Father

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of

friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply

can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can

ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and

oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student

busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a

NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad.

Parenti ng

Being a parent means knowing how to unwrap a candy

bar without making any noise

Double

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me

six double vodkas.”

The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of

a day.”

“Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and

asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender

asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that

my youngest son is gay, too!”

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders

another six double vodkas. The bartender says, “Jesus!

Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head,

“Yeah, my wife!

love me

A wife asked her husband, “Honey, will you still love me

when I am old and overweight?”

The man replied, “Yes, I do.”

Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

The dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it this

way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me

capitalism. Your mother, she’s the administrator of the

money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to

take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The

nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby

brother, we’ll call him the future. Now, think about that

and see if that makes sense.”

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad

had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying,

so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has

soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and

finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he

goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks

in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed The next morning,

the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand

the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words

what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing

the working class, the government is sound asleep, the

people are being ignored, and the future is in deep shit.”

larger Breasts

Fresh out of the shower, a woman stood in front of the

mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were

too small

Instead of telling her it isn’t true, he comes up with a

suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every

day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them

for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, she fetches a piece of toilet

paper and stands in front of the mirror again, rubbing it

between her breasts

“How long will this take?” she asks.

“They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” her husband

replies

“Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper

between my breasts every day will make them larger?”

“It worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

Teenagers

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One—He holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him.

NEW JOKE BOOK

Great News!

Jack has just published a “Joke Book”

It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.

Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!

Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).

Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.

Who do you know that could use a joke????????