The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
Bullying
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. His
father asks him, “What’s wrong, son?”
The kid tells his dad that he’s upset because another
kid has been teasing him and calling him gay
The father says, “Punch him in the face next time he
does that. I bet he’ll stop.”
The kid replies, “Yeah, but he’s so cute!”
Beer
A man and woman are sitting on their porch drinking
a beer
The man says, “I love you.”
The woman says, “Is that you talking or the beer talking?”
The man says, “That’s me talking to the beer!”
Ring
Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding
ring, and suffering.
Nuns
Three nuns walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
Patients
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients
they prefer.
Dr. Watson says, ‘‘I prefer librarians. All their organs
are alphabetized.’’
Dr. Fitzpatrick says, ‘‘I prefer mathematicians. All their
organs are numbered.’’
Dr. Ahner says, ‘‘I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless,
brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends
are interchangeable.’’
Flashlight
A police officer finds a young couple messing around
in their parked car. The officer shines his light into the
window.
The young man jumps out of the car and declares,
“Honest, Officer, we weren’t doing anything.”
“In that case,” the officer replies, “let me inside, and
you come out here and hold the flashlight.”
Fire
“Do you know how to start a fire using two pieces
of wood?”
“One has to be a matchstick.”
Bill
When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86
percent of women in DC said, “Not again.”
Scale
A man’s wife has been dropping hints about her birthday
gift for weeks now.
On the day before, the man asks, “So, what do you think
you’re getting for your birthday?”
The wife responds, “All I know is that it is better be in
the driveway and it better go from zero to two hundred
in under six seconds.”
“Oh, it will,” he responded, “and it does.”
The next morning, his wife wakes up to fi nd a bathroom
scale in the driveway.
Arrested
I was walking down the street, and I punched a white
guy, and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy, and
I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Diapers
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they
should both be changed regularly—and for the same reason.
Stop Sign
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a
sheriff.
He thinks he’s smarter, being a big-shot lawyer from
New York and has a better education than a sheriff from
West Virginia.
The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer
asks, “What for?”
The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete
stop at the stop sign.”
The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”
“You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and
registration please,” says the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference
between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license
and registration, and you can give me the ticket. If not,
you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your
vehicle.”
The lawyer steps out, and the sheriff takes out his
nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff
says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
NEW JOKE BOOK
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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