Marriage
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding
ring, and suffering.
Where
Jane: “Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men
who can show their feelings?”
Jill: “They already have boyfriends.”
Old Age
Two old guys were sitting under a tree watching the
sun go down
One says, “You know. “I’m eighty-four, and my body is full
of aches and pains. You’re about my age. How do you feel?”
The other guy says, “Oh, I feel like a newborn baby.”
“Really?” asked the first guy.
“Yep!” says the second guy. “No teeth, no hair, and I
think I just wet my pants.”
Search Party
A waiter returned to the table to ask the customer
how his meal is, so far. “How did you find your steak?” the
waiter asked
The man said, “I just pushed a ton of mashed potatoes
to the side, and there it was.”
Cancer
Q: What worse than finding out your ex-wife got cancer?
A: Finding out it’s curable.
BUS
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with
no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband
continued for more than two weeks.
When asked he replied miserably, “My wife missed
the bus.”
Your Name
Two elderly ladies had been friends since they were in
their thirties Now, well into their eighties, they still got
together a couple of times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing gin rummy ,and one of them
said. “You know, we’ve been friends for so many years,
and please don’t get mad, but for the life of me I can’t
remember your name. Please tell me what it is.”
Her friend glared at her and continued to stare at her
for at least three minutes. Finally, she said, “How soon do
you need to know?”
mirror
Katie and Ann are walking side by side down the road.
Katie sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground. She
picks it up, looks at it, and says, “This gal looks so familiar,
but I can’t remember where I know her from.”
Ann grabs the mirror from her hand and takes a look
at it and says, “It’s me, you idiot.
Regularity
Three elderly men are sitting on a park bench complaining
“Every morning I get up at 6:00 a.m.,” Gary explains,
“and I try to pee, but nothing but a trickle comes out.”
Greg adds, “I get up at 6:00 a.m. too, and it feels like
I got to move my bowels, but I sit down on the toilet but
nothing “
Josh chimes in the conversation and tells his friends, “I
pee and move my bowels at exactly 6:00 a.m. every morning.”
“That’s not bad,” Gary responds. “Why are you
complaining?”
Josh admits, “The problem is I don’t usually get up until
7:00 a.m.”
Solitary Confinement
Three men are convicted of a crime and sentenced to
twenty years in solitary confinement. They’re each allowed
to bring something into the cell
The first man, Gary, chooses as many books as he can
fi t into the cell.
The second man, Greg, request painting supplies
The last man, Josh, requests twenty years’ worth of
cigarettes
On the morning of their release, the warden goes to
visit each of the men in his cell.
Gary tells the warden, “These last twenty years of
studying have been amazing. I’m going to go back to school
and get my teaching degree.”
Greg tells the warden, “I have become an accomplished
artist. And my works will hang in some of the most famous
Gallery’s in the world.”
The warden enters Josh’s cell and finds him surrounded
by all of the cigarettes.
Josh tells the warden, “I probably should have also
requested matches.”
NEW JOKE BOOK
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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