STRIPPER
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
What is the difference between a waitress who works
in a strip club and an actual stripper? About two weeks.
Don’t Ask
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house
for a playdate.
“Mommy,” the girl asks, “How old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the
mother warns. “It is not polite.”
“OK,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”
“Now, really,” the mother says, “those are personal questions,
and they are really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asked, “Why did you and Daddy
get a divorce?”
“Those are enough questions, honestly.” The exasperated
Mother walks away, and the two friends begin to play.
“My mom would not tell me anything,” the girl says to
her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her
driver’s license. It’s like a report card. It has everything
on it.”
The little girl says triumphantly, “I know that you are
twenty-nine. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.”
“Oh, really?” the mother asks. “Why?”
“Because you got an F in sex.”
PROOF
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor
owes me $500, and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked
the lawyer
“Nope,” replied the man.
“OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000
he owed you,” said the lawyer.
“But it’s only $500,” replied the man.
“Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have
your proof!”
Unstable
Why was the structural engineer’s relationship so unstable?
Because there was no truss left!
made In
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth
After that, everything else was made in China.
Twenty Dollars
You don’t go paying them what they ask. You haggle.
At the Sydney airport, the two Irishmen catch a cab to
their hotel When they reach their destination, the cabbie
says, “That’ll be twenty dollars, lads.”
“Oh no, you don’t! My dad warned me about you. You’ll only
be getting fifteen dollars from me,” says one of the men.
“And you’ll only be getting fifteen from me too,” adds
the other.
Q&A
Q: Why did I sell my vacuum cleaner.
A: It was just collecting dust.
Q: Why did the Invisible Man turn down the job offer?
A: He just couldn’t see himself doing the job.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
Peter
Peter sat at his dying wife’s bedside. Her voice was little
more than a whisper
“Pete, darling,” she breathed, “I’ve a confession to make
before I go. I…I’m the one who took the $10,000 from
your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex.
“And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city.
And I am the one who reported your income tax evasion
to the government.”
“Don’t give it a second thought, sweetheart. Who do you
think gave you the poison?” answered Peter.
Fireman
What did the fi reman name his two sons?
Jose A: and Jose B.
Speaker Phone
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell
phone on a bench rings, and a man engages the speaker
function and begins to talk.
Men: Yes?
Woman: I stopped by the Mercedes dealership and
looked at the new models I saw one that I really like
Man: How much?
Woman: $60,000?
Man: OK. But for that price I want it with all the options.
Woman: Great. Oh, and one more thing. That house that
we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking
$950,000.
Man: Well, go ahead and give them an offer, but only
$900,000, even.
Woman: OK, see you later. I love you.
Man: Bye. I love you too.
The men hung up The other men in the locker room are
looking at him in astonishment
Then the man asks, “Does anybody know who this phone
belongs to?”
Run
You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey,
Let’s run upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “I can’t
do both.”
Six Brazilian
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when
the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving
accident.”
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s
horrible!”
Confused, he replies, “Yes, dear, it is sad, but they were
skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.”
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How
many is a Brazilian?”
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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