PARACHUTES
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
Just because nobody complains doesn’t prove that all
parachutes are perfect.
Which Is closer
So I asked a blonde, “Which is closer, Florida or the sun?”
She said, “The sun, because I can look up and see it.
Potato Sacks
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from
the police They run into an old barn and hide in potato
sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking
for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside,
and the redhead says, “Woof woof!”
The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one.
He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says,
“Meow meow!”
The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the
third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, “Potato
potato!”
Dentist
A dentist told a mother, “I’m sorry, madam, but I’ll have
to charge you a hundred dollars for pulling your boy’s tooth.”
The mother exclaimed, “A hundred dollars! You said it
was only twenty dollars!”
“Yes,” replied the dentist, “but he yelled so loudly that
he scared four other patients out of the office!”
Napoleon
A French guy accidentally caused the gas range in his
kitchen to explode His neighbors have nicknamed him
Napoleon Blown-Apart.
Driving
A man was driving his wife home after a night out, when
they were stopped by the police
“Sir, did you know you were speeding?” asked the officer.
“No, I had no idea that I was speeding,” replied the
husband
“Of course, you were,” interrupted the wife, “you’re
always speeding.”
The officer looked at the rear of the vehicle and said,
“And did you know your brake light is broken sir?”
“No, I had no idea that it was broken,” replied the
husband
Again, the wife interrupted, “Of course, you knew it was
broken. You’re always saying you’ll get it repaired, but you
never have.”
The officer began to sympathize for the husband and
said, “Does she always talk to you like this?”
The wife said, “Only when he’s drunk.
letter
A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is.
A student puts up his hand and says G The teacher walks
over to him and says, “Why is that, Angus?”
Easter Bunny
Where does the Easter Bunny have breakfast?
At IHOP.
Horse
A blonde decides to try horseback racing
On her first outing, the bouncing horse causes her to
lose control. As she’s thrown from the horse, her foot
catches in the stirrup, so she lands head first.
Just as she loses consciousness, the carny stops the
Carousel.
Fart
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner.
This is her first time meeting the family, and she is
very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fi ne
meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,
thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole The
gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no
other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets
out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the
table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be
embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the
dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and said
in a rather stern voice, “Ginger!”
The woman thought, This is great! and a big smile came
across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning
to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t hesitate. She
let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “Dammit,
Ginger!”
Once again, the woman smiled and thought, Yes! A few
minutes later the woman had to let another one rip This
time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip a fart that
rivaled a train whistle blowing
Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and
yelled, “Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she
shits on you!”
Member
During an impassioned sermon about death and final
judgment, the pastor said forcefully, “Each member of
this church is going to die and face judgement.” Glancing
down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile
on his face.
The minister repeated his point louder “Each member
of this church is going to die and face judgement!”
The man nodded and smiled even more This really got
the preacher wound up He pounded the pulpit emphatically
when he came to the ultimatum: “Each member of this
church is going to die and face judgment!”
Though everyone else in the congregation was looking
somber, the man in front continued to smile.
Finally, the preacher stepped off the platform, stood
in front of the man and shouted, “I said each member of
this church is going to die!”
The man grinned from ear to ear.
After the service was over, the preacher made a beeline
for the man. “I don’t get it,” the preacher said in frustration.
“Whenever I said, ‘Each member of this church is
going to die,’ your smile got bigger. Why?”
“I’m not a member of this church,” the man replied.
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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