PREGNANT
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the
air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant:
their legs.
Three Nickols
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He
gives the young boy three nickels to play with to keep him
occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels
and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up
two of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son,
the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A woman looks up, gets up from her seat, and makes
her way to the boy. The woman carefully drops his pants;
takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and
twist, gently at fi rst and then ever so fi rmly.
After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and
coughs up the last nickel. Releasing the boy’s testicles,
the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back
to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill
effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts
thanking her, saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything
like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. ‘Divorce attorney. I always get
the last nickel.”
Convict
A gal walked into her favorite bar in Florida: After a
few minutes, a handsome guy came in and sat next to her
She said, “I haven’t seen you here before. Is this your
first visit?”
The man said, “No, but I haven’t been back in twenty
years.”
She said, “Twenty years? Why so long?”
He said, “Well, I’ve been in prison.”
“Prison,” she said. “Do you mind telling me why?”
The guy said, “Well I’m not proud of it, but I killed
my wife.”
The gal said with a smile, “Oh, so you‛re single.”
Poker
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog playing poker.
The guy is amazed that the dog is playing poker.
“Bartender, is that a real dog playing poker?”
“Yep,” the bartender replies.
“Well, is he any good?” the guy asks.
“No! Every time he has a good hand, he wags his tail.”
Rocking Chair
A woman is walking down the street and sees an old-timer
on a porch in a rocking chair rocking back and forth with
a huge smile on his face
She stops and says, “Sir, would you mind telling me the
secret to your longevity and your happiness?”
He says, “Well, I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day.
I drink a case of whiskey every week I eat all the fatty
foods that I want, and I never exercise.”
“That’s remarkable,” she says. “If you don’t mind me
asking, sir, how old are you?”
He proudly replied, “I’m twenty-seven.”
Caddie
Clyde was twenty-four over par by the eighth hole. He
had landed a dozen balls in the water hazard and dug himself
into a trench, fighting his way out of the rough.
When the caddy coughed during a one-foot putt, Clyde
exploded. “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world,
he screamed.”
“I doubt it,” replied the caddy. “That would be too much
of a coincidence.”
Dwarf
A man was driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic. He
wasn’t paying attention, and he bumped the car in front of
him. He didn’t really do any damage, but he did hit the car.
Slowly the other driver got out of his car, and the man
could see that the other driver was really short. He was
actually a dwarf!
The dwarf pounded over to the man’s car, looked up at
him, and shouted, ‘”I am not happy!”
So the man looked down at him and said, ‘Well then—
which one are you?”
Bank Hold-Up
A man holds-up a bank. After he has the money, the
bank robber lines up the hostages and asks the first one,
“Did you see me hold up the bank?”
The man says, “Well, sure I did,” and the bank robber
shoots him.”
The bank robber then asks the second man, “Did you
see me hold up the bank?”
The man says, “No, no, no. I didn’t see a thing. But my
wife here, she sees everything.”
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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