Three – legged Pig
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
A man was driving along a rural road When his car
started to give him trouble, he pulled over, walked up the
path to a nearby farm, and saw a pig with only three legs.
He told the farmer, “My car broke down. May I use your
phone?”
The man said, “What’s the story with this three-legged pig?”
And the farmer said, “Oh! That pig is terrific. Not long
ago, our house caught on fi re in the middle of the night. And
this little pig jumped up onto the porch and banged himself
against the door until we woke up. He’s a terrific pig.”
And the motorist said, “Well, why has he only got
three legs?”
The farmer said, “Let me tell you one more story I was
out in the fi eld one day plowing, and I fell off my plow. The
plow was just about ready to run me over when this little
pig ran out and dragged me out of the way. He’s really
terrific.”
The guy said, “Wow! Yeah! But why has he only got
three legs?”
The farmer said, “A pig, as terrific as that, you can’t eat
him all at once!”
Bank Hold-Up
A man holds-up a bank. After he has the money, the
bank robber lines up the hostages and asks the fi rst one,
“Did you see me hold up the bank?”
The man says, “Well, sure I did,” and the bank robber
shoots him.”
The bank robber then asks the second man, “Did you
see me hold up the bank?”
The man says, “No, no, no. I didn’t see a thing. But my
wife here, she sees everything.”
Boots
A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots
a pair of boots she loves.
The husband says, “No chance, love. They’re way too
expensive.”
Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep. The husband
tries his luck and places his hand on her hip and lower
on her thigh
She turns to him and says, “I don’t think so, mate. If
you’re not prepared to shoe a horse, then you’re sure as
hell aren’t riding it.”
Inflation?
On a visit to see his grandmother, a teen boy listened
as she went on and on about the cost of living
“When I was young girl,” she moaned, “you could go to
the store with a dollar and come home with food to feed
the family for a whole week
“Well, Grandma,” the boy replied, “we learned about that
in school recently, and that’s called inflation.”
“Inflation nothing,” the grandmother answered. “No! It’s
all those darn security cameras they got today,”
Painting
Mother Superior tells two new nuns that they have to
paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our
clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”
So they do this and begin painting their room. Soon they
hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?”
“Blind man!”
The nuns look at each other, and one nun says, “He’s
blind, so he can’t see. What could it hurt?” They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where
do you want me to hang the blinds?”
Nudist Colony
At the nudist colony for communists, two old men are
sitting on the porch.
One turns the other and says, “I say, old boy, have you
read Marx?”
And the other says, “Yes, I believe it’s these Wicker
chairs.”
Fast Chicken
While driving in the countryside, a man saw a chicken
running alongside his car
The chicken appeared to have three legs and was very
fast. The man sped up to fifty miles an hour, and the chicken
stayed right with him. At seventy-five, he was still there,
jogging with a smirk on his face.
The motorist decided to stop and take a closer look, when
all of a sudden the chicken darted into a farm driveway
and disappeared.
As the man drove up to the farmhouse, the farmer
walked out with his wife and young son
“Have you seen a three-legged chicken around here?”
“Sure,” the farmer said. “That’s my chicken.”
“Really! How did he get three legs? He’s really fast.”
The old farmer said, “My wife and son and I live here
alone. We each love fried chicken, especially the drumsticks.
I decided to develop a new breed of chicken with
three legs so we could each have a drumstick from only
one chicken.”
“Amazing. How do they taste?”
“I don’t know,” the farmer said. “We haven’t been able
to catch him yet.”
Human Race
A little girl asked her mother “How did the human race
appear?”
The mother answered, “Well, God made Adam and Eve,
and then they had kids. So all mankind was made.”
Two days later, the little girl asked her father the exact
same question The father answered, “Many years ago there
were monkeys from which the entire human race evolved.”
The confused little girl returned to her mother and
said, “Mom, you told me that the human race was created
by God, and Dad said man developed from monkeys. Why
do you have a different story.”
The mother answered, “Well I was referring to my side
of the family, and your dad was referring to his side.”
Oxygen
A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for
breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.”
A blond student responds, “Thank God I was born after
1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”
Sick
Negotiations between union members and their employer
were at an impasse. One morning at the bargaining table,
the company’s chief negotiator held up a newspaper.
“This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday.
There on the sports page is a photo of the supposedly ill
employee who had just won a local golf tournament with
an excellent score.”
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room
“Incredible,” he said. “Just think of what score he could
have had if he wasn’t sick.”
Breasts
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning
from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so
happy?”
The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty five-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen year-
old.”
“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about
your forty-five-year-old ass?”
She said, “Your name never came up in the conversation.”
Divorced
Why did I get divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me
a happy birthday. My parents forgot, and so did my kids.
I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a
happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday,
boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch.
After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went
there, and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom
for a minute?”
“Okay,” I said.
She came out five minutes later with a birthday cake,
my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues
all yelling, “Surprise!”
While I was waiting on the sofa—naked.
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
Leave a comment