Two Boys
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
Two young boys were sharing a hospital room.
One said, “I’m getting my tonsils out, and I’m a little worried.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” the other boy said. “I had
my tonsils out and it was actually not so bad I got to eat
all the ice cream and Jell-O that I wanted.”
The other little boy said, “I’m getting a circumcision,
whatever that is.”
“Oh my God, a circumcision,” the other boy cried. “I got
one of those when I was just a baby, and I couldn’t talk or
walk for two years.”
Two Children
During a dinner party, the hosts’ two children enter the
dining room totally nude and walk slowly around the table
The parents are so embarrassed that they pretend
nothing is happening and keep the conversation going. The
guests cooperate and also continue as if nothing extraordinary
is happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children
leave, and there is a moment of silence at the table during
which one of the children was heard saying, “You see, it is
vanishing cream.”
Job Interview
A man went to a job interview. His resume was fantastic,
and his qualities made him a perfect fit for the company.
The interviewer was very impressed.
“You’re a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you.
However, there is a five-year gap in your resume. What
were you doing during that time?”
“I went to Yale.”
“Wow! Great! You’re hired.”
“‘Yay! I got a yob.”
Q&A
Q: Have you heard my great joke about construction?
A: I’m still working on it.
Q: How does a one-armed man tie his shoes?
A: Single-handedly.
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: They use honeycombs.
Twenty-Five Cents
A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight
pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand
why they were killing each other over twenty-five cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for
the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get
the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, ‘Hello?
It’s only twenty-five cents!”
Overweight
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial
comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of ten pounds
in a week So the guy, thinking, What the hell, signs up for it.
Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing
at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a
sign about her neck that reads, “If you can catch me, you
can have me.”
As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries
to catch her, but is unable This continues for a week, at
the end of which, the man has lost ten pounds.
After this, he tries the next weight loss plan, fifteen
pounds in a week.
The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing
at the door in similar conditions. The same happens
with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her.
This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as
suspected, weighs fifteen pounds less.
Excited about this success, he decides to do the master
program.
The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking
three-hundred-pound muscle man with nothing but a pair
of running shoes, and a sign around his neck that says, “If
I catch you, you’re mine!”
The man was supposed to lose twenty-five pounds in the
week; he lost thirty-four.
Dead Chicken
The teacher asked the class what our favorite animal
was
Johnny said fried chicken. The teacher said I wasn’t
funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everybody
else in the class laughed
I told my dad what happened. And he said, “Your
teacher was probably a member of PETA: They love animals
very much.”
I do too, especially chicken, pork, and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I
told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told
me not to do it again
The next day in class, my teacher asked me what my
favorite live animal was.”
I told her it was a chicken. She asked me why? I told her
it was because “You could make them into fried chicken.”
She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He
laughed and told me not to do it again. I don’t understand.
My parents taught me to be honest. My teacher doesn’t
like it when I am
Today my teacher asked us, “What famous person do
you admire most?”
I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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