MOM’s ROOM
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
A family moves into the new house Grandma comes to
visit and asks the youngest child, “How do you like the new
place?”
He says, “It‛ s terrific! I have my own room My brother
has his own room. My sister has her own room. But poor
mom is still sleeping with dad.”
Jigsaw Puzzle
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She
finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months when the box said,
“Two to four years.”
Blonde, Redhead, and Brunette
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the
desert
They found a magic lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped
out and granted them each of them a wish
The redhead wished to be back home Poof! She was
back home
The brunette wished to be at home with her family
Poof! She was back home with her family
The blonde said, “Aww, I wish my friends were here.”
***
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette They
were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was
fifty miles away. The redhead swam, trying to make it
to the other shore she swam fifteen miles, drowned, and
died. The brunette swam twenty-four miles, drowned, and
died. The blonde swam twenty-five miles, got tired, and
swam back.
lie Detector
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.
He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, “Son,
where were you today during school hours?”
“At school.”
The robot slaps the son.
“Okay, I went to the movies!”
The father asks, “Which one?”
“Harry Potter.”
The robot slaps the son again.
“Okay, I was watching porn!”
The father replies, “What? When I was your age, I
didn’t even know what porn was!”
The robot slaps the father.
The mom chimes in, “Ha! After all, he is your son!”
The robot slaps the mother.
Twins
A blonde goes to the doctor’s and finds out she’s pregnant
with twins
She starts crying and the doctor asks her what’s wrong.
She replies, “I know who the dad is for one of them, but
I don’t know who the dad is for the other one!”
State Capitals
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all
the blonde jokes.
One evening, she went home and memorized all the state
capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started
telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a
shrill announcement
“I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want
you to know that this blonde went home last night and did
something probably none of you could do. I memorized all
the state capitals.
One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you.
What is the capital of Nevada?”
“N,” she answered.
Two Children
During a dinner party, the hosts’ two children enter the
dining room totally nude and walk slowly around the table
The parents are so embarrassed that they pretend
nothing is happening and keep the conversation going. The
guests cooperate and also continue as if nothing extraordinary
is happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children
leave, and there is a moment of silence at the table during
which one of the children was heard saying, “You see, it is
vanishing cream.”
Good News
A woman calls her husband at work
“I’m kind of busy right now, honey. Can’t it wait until I
get home?”
“Not really,” she replies. “I’ve just got to share some
good news and some bad news.”
“All right,” he replies, playing along, “I’m in a hurry so
just give me the good news.”
“Well,” she says, “the good news is that the airbags on
the car work correctly.”
34
JOHN D. GASkEll, EE, PE
Tomatoes
An old man wanted to plant a tomato garden, but it was
diffi cult work and his only son, Clyde, was in prison. The
old man described the predicament in a letter.
“Dear Clyde, looks like there will be no tomatoes this
year. I’m just too old to be digging. I wish you were here
to dig for me. Love, Dad.”
A week later, he received response.
“Dear Dad, sorry I am not here to help, but whatever
you do, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried
the bodies. Love, Clyde.”
Soon FBI agents arrived and dug up the entire area, but
they couldn’t fi nd any bodies. They apologized and left.
The next day, the old man received another letter
“Dear Dad, go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s
the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Clyde.”
Dead Birdie
A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the
brunette says, “Aw, look at the dead birdie.”
The blonde looks up and says, “Where?”
35
PE’Pā’S BEST JOkES VOlUmE 1
Surpri se
During lunch at work, I ate three plates of beans (which I
know I shouldn’t). When I got home, my husband exclaimed,
“Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner
table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my
blindfold, the telephone rang. The beans I had consumed were
still affecting me, and the pressure was becoming unbearable,
so while my husband was out of the room, I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It
was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
over a skunk in front of a garbage dump!
Then I ripped off three more. The stink was worse
than cooked cabbage. The pleasure was indescribable!
Eventually, the telephone farewells signaled the end of
my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times
with my napkin, placed it on my lap, and folded my hands
back on it, feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when
my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He
asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I
assured him I had not
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table, with their hands to their
noses, chorused, “Happy birthday!”
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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