BRAIN
The Following are my “Jokes of Today”. I hope they lift your Spirits.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a brain?
A: A golden retriever.
Parachutes
Four people were heading to Hawaii on a plane—a pilot,
a lawyer, a priest, and a kid. Suddenly, the plane starts to
shake and begins to go down
Searching around the cabin, they find only three parachutes.
“I have a family and a daughter who’s expecting,” says
the pilot. Before anybody can stop him, he grabs a parachute
and jumps off the plane.
The lawyer says, “Well, I’m the smartest man on earth, so
I deserve to live.” He also grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Now there’s only one parachute left. The priest notices
this and tells the kid “Son, go ahead and take the last one
I have lived my life.”
The boy looks around the plane and says, “Wait, we can
both live.”
“How?” the priest asked.
“Because the smartest man in the world just jumped
out with my backpack.”
Pregnant
What did the blonde say when she found out she was
pregnant?
I wonder if it’s mine.
The Drink
There is this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He
stays like that for a half hour Then a big troublemaking
truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the
guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on, man, I was just joking.
Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see
a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that,” the man replies, wiping his tears,
“This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep, and I
go in late to my office. My outraged boss fi res me. When I
leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen.
The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home,
and when I get out, I remember I left my wallet The cab
driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find
my wife in bed with the gardener I leave my home, come
to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an
end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
New York
A woman is having lunch when a man approaches her table.
“Excuse me, miss” the man says, “My wife and I are visiting
from out of town She loves your sandals She wanted
me to come over and ask if you bought them around here.”
“Actually,” the woman responds, “I got them at a shop
just about a block from here.”
“Fantastic,” the men responds, “and if you don’t mind me
asking, how much did you spend for them?”
“I paid about $250,” she admits.
“Thank you,” the man responds. He walks away and yells
to his wife. “She got them in New York.”
Baseball Pitcher
A rookie pitcher is struggling on the mound. So the
catcher walks out to him to have a little talk
“I think I figured out your problem,” the catcher tells
the shaky pitcher. “You always lose control at exactly the
same point in every game.”
“When do I usually lose my control?” he asks the pitcher.
“It’s usually,” the catcher admits, “right after the national
anthem.”
Bad Carburetor
A man was driving down a country road when his car
stalled
He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find
out what the problem was.
A brown-and-white cow slowly walked over from the
fi eld. The cow stuck her head under the hood and, after
a moment, looked at the man and said, “Looks like a bad
carburetor to me.” Then she walked back into the fi eld and
resumed grazing, again.
Amazed, the man walked back to the ranch house and
asked the rancher, “Is this your cow in the fi eld?”
The rancher looked out and replied, “Yep, that’s old
Alice.”
The man said, “My car is broken down, and this cow
walks over, looks under the hood, and says, ‘Looks like a
bad carburetor to me.’”
The rancher shook his head and said, “Don’t mind old
Alice. She hangs out around the garage, reads a couple of
magazines, and thinks she knows everything. Actually, she
doesn’t know a thing about carburetors.”
Stranded
A man has been stranded alone on a desert island for
ten years
One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He watches
and waits as the speck gets closer and closer until out of
the surf emerges a gorgeous woman wearing a wet suit
and scuba gear
She calmly walks up to the man and asks, “How long has
it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” he says.
She unzips a pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a
pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man,
that’s good!”
Then she asked, “How long is it ben since you’ve had
a beer?”
“Ten years,” he replied. She unzips a pocket on her right
sleeve and pulls out a bottle of beer and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”
Then she starts unzipping the longer zipper that runs
down the front of her wet suit and says to him, “And how
long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”
The man replies, “Wow, don’t tell me that you’ve got a
jet ski in there.”
Great News!
Jack has just published a “Joke Book”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in three volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten someone’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a joke????????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 
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