Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

BLOG # 7

“This is a new volume just for kids”

I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.

Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who?
A:  Hey, I didn’t know you could yodel!

Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nana. Nana who?
A:  Nana your business!

Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Toodle. Toodle who?
A:  Toodle-loo!

Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there. Spell. Spell who?
A:  Okay, W-H-O!

Q: What did the bunny say to the carrot?
A:  It’s been nice gnawing you!

Q: What do you call a sad strawberry?
A:  A blueberry!

Q: What did the pizza say to the topping?
A:  I never sau-sage a pretty face!

Q: Which vegetable do sailors hate the most?
A:  Leeks!

Q: Why did the cookie go to the nurse?
A:  Because he felt crummy!

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A:  A mon-key!

Q: What happens when a grape gets run over crossing the street?
A:  A traffic jam!

Q: What does garlic do when it gets hot?
A:  It takes its cloves off!

Q: Where does fruit go on vacation?
A:  Pear-is!

Q: Why did the melons choose not to get married?
A:  Because they cantaloupe!

Q: What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
A:  Yellow!

Q: What did one dried fruit say when another asked it to the movies?
A:  It’s a date!

Q: What does a cow call an earthquake?
A:  A milkshake!

Q: Why did the man go to the yogurt museum?
A:  To get a little culture!

Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed climb up the hill?
A:  Because it was on a roll!

Q: Why can’t you trust tacos?
A:  Because they always spill the beans!

GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes

“KIDS” JOKE BOOK

“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book          

JUST FOR KIDS

It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.

Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!

Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days)                      or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).

Available for a GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.

johndgaskell

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