Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

BLOG # 8

“This is a new volume just for kids”

I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.

Q: Wow come no one picks statistics as their favorite subject?
A:  It’s just average.

Q: Why did two 4s skip dinner?
A:  Because they already 8!

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
A:  He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!

Q: What did the triangle feel sorry for the circle?
A:  Because it’s pointless!

Q: Did you hear about the rancher who had 97 cows in his field?

A:  When he rounded them up, he had 100!

Q: Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
A:  Because his parents wouldn’t cosine!

Q: What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place?
A:  A roamin’ numeral!

Q: Why should you never trust someone writing on graph paper?
A:  Because they must be plotting something!

Q: What do you call two guys who love math?
A:  Algebros!

What did the 90° angle say after an argument?
A: “It turns out, I was right!”

Q: What tool do mathematicians use most?
A:  Multi-pliers!

Q: Why did the student get upset when their teacher called them average?
A:  It was a mean thing to say!

Q: If a math teacher had four apples in one hand and five apples in the other hand, what would they have altogether?
A:  Really big hands!

Q: What did the 0 say to the 8?
A:  Nice belt!

Q: Why should you never start a conversation with pi?
A:  It’ll just go on forever!

Q: What is a bird’s favorite type of math?
A:  OWL-gebra!

Q: Why do teenagers travel in groups of threes and fives?
A:  Because they can’t even!

Q: Did you hear about the circle that kept going to school?
A:  It has 360°!

GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes

“KIDS” JOKE BOOK

“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book          

JUST FOR KIDS

It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.

Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!

Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) 

or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).

Available for a GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.

johndgaskell

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