Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

99 cents for NEW “ADULT” JOKE BOOK

Penguin

A penguin was having trouble with the transmission on his car, so he took it to the dealer.

The dealer said it would take a while, so he went for a walk.

He saw an ice cream parlor, and being a penguin, he liked ice cream, so he got a cone.

But with his big beak and his little flippers, he got ice cream all over himself.

When he got back to the dealer, he said, “How are you making out with my transmission?”

The dealer said, “It looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin said, “Oh no. That’s just ice cream.”

Vasectomy

A man went to the hospital for a vasectomy.

When he woke up from the operation, the doctor was in his room pacing up and down.

The man said, “What’s wrong, Doc?”

The doctor said, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”

The man said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The doctor said, “During the most crucial part of your operation, the nurse bumped my arm, and we cut it all off.”

“That’s awful,” the man said. “Give me the good news.”

The doctor said, “You don’t have to worry. We sent it right down to the lab, and it’s not malignant.”

Stop Masturbating

Doctor to patient: “I want you to stop masturbating.”

Patient: “Why?”

Doctor: “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

Misunderstanding English

I had some foreign currency that I wanted to change into American dollars, so I went to the currency window at the local bank.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

She was a little irritated. She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get one hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get only eighty? Why it change?”

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”

The Asian lady said, “Fluc you white people, too!”

Cleaners

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady said, “Come again!”

The blonde said, “No, it’s toothpaste this time.”

Pe’Pa is having a SALE to promote his recently published volume 3 – “Pe’Pa’s Beast ADULT Jokes” and he needs some 5 Star Reviews.

Go to Amazon.com. Click on the book cover. Select the Kindle version and buy. Scroll to the bottom of the page and write a review for me.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

  • Reviews convince browsers to buy.
  • It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
  • It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on my other joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please also review Volumes 1, 2, &4.

       Thank in advance for all Your Help.

Pe’Pa is having a SALE to promote his just published volume 3 – “Pe’Pa’s Beast ADULT Jokes” and he needs some 5 Star Amazon Reviews.

We have just reduced the price of the kindle version of my  “ADULT” joke book from $6.00 to 99 cents in the hope that you will like it so much that you will write a “Book Review” for me an Amazon.com.

Go to Amazon.com. Click on the book cover. Select the Kindle version and buy. Scroll to the bottom of the page and write a review for me.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

  • Reviews convince browsers to buy.
  • It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
  • It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for your leisure moments.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on my other joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please also review Volumes 1, 2, & 4.

       Thank in advance for all Your Help.

johndgaskell

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