Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

3 LEGGED CHICKEN

99 cents for ALL “Pe’Pa’s” JOKE BOOKS

Bank Hold-Up

A man holds-up a bank. After he has the money, the bank robber lines up the hostages and asks the first one, “Did you see me hold up the bank?”

The man says, “Well, sure I did,” and the bank robber shoots him.”

The bank robber then asks the second man, “Did you see me hold up the bank?”

The man says, “No, no, no. I didn’t see a thing. But my wife here, she sees everything.”

Caddie

Clyde was twenty-four over par by the eighth hole. He had landed a dozen balls in the water hazard and dug himself into a trench, fighting his way out of the rough.

When the caddy coughed during a one-foot putt, Clyde exploded. “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world, he screamed.”

“I doubt it,” replied the caddy. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Boots

A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she loves.

The husband says, “No chance, love. They’re way too expensive.”

Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep. The husband tries his luck and places his hand on her hip and lower on her thigh.

She turns to him and says, “I don’t think so, mate. If you’re not prepared to shoe a horse, then you’re sure as hell aren’t riding it.”

Painting

Mother Superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?”

“Blind man!”

The nuns look at each other, and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see. What could it hurt?” They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

Fast Chicken

While driving in the countryside, a man saw a chicken running alongside his car.

The chicken appeared to have three legs and was very fast. The man sped up to fifty miles an hour, and the chicken stayed right with him. At seventy-five, he was still there, jogging with a smirk on his face.

The motorist decided to stop and take a closer look, when all of a sudden the chicken darted into a farm driveway and disappeared.

As the man drove up to the farmhouse, the farmer walked out with his wife and young son.

“Have you seen a three-legged chicken around here?”

“Sure,” the farmer said. “That’s my chicken.”

“Really! How did he get three legs? He’s really fast.”

The old farmer said, “My wife and son and I live here alone. We each love fried chicken, especially the drumsticks. I decided to develop a new breed of chicken with three legs so we could each have a drumstick from only one chicken.”

Pe’Pa is having a 99 cent SALE to promote ALL of his “Pe’Pa’s Beast Jokes” to receive some 5 Star Reviews.

Go to Amazon.com. Click on the book cover. Select the Kindle version and buy. Scroll to the bottom of the page and write a review for me.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

Reviews convince browsers to buy.
It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on ALL joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please also review Volumes 1, 2, 3, & 4.