Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

Q: What do dog poo and women have in common?

99 cents for ALL “Pe’Pa’s” JOKE BOOKS

Teacher

A teacher asks a student, “Are you ignorant or just apathetic?”

The kid answers, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

Faithful

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Poo

Q: What do dog poo and women have in common?

A: The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Sister

A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?”

The wife responds, “No, I will live with my sister.”

The wife asks him back, “Will you marry after I die?”

The husband responds, “No, I will also live with your sister.”

Watching

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, “Only take one. God is watching.” Further down the line is a pile of cookies.

A little boy makes his own note: “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Mothers

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

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Pe’Pa is having a 99 ₵ SALE to promote ALL of his “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” to receive some 5 Star Reviews.

DAY 1 – Go to Amazon.com and buy the Kindle version of each of my joke books – so that a “Purchase Verified” Review can be posted the next day.

DAY 2 – Go back to Amazon, click on the book cover, scroll way down to the bottom of the page to “Product details”. Click on the “# ratings” (next to the stars). You will see all of my reviews. Post your review. (Use your first name and initial of last name, so I will know it is you.)

Do this for all 4 books.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

Reviews convince browsers to buy.
It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on ALL joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please review Volumes 1, 2, 3, & 4.