Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

Q: What’s the difference between boogers and

broccoli?

99 cents for ALL “Pe’Pa’s” JOKE BOOKS

BOOGERS

Q: What’s the difference between boogers and

broccoli?

A: Kids don’t eat broccoli!

Sermon

A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous, and he stammers his way through.

Afterwards, he approaches the monsignor to ask how he thought it went. “Well,” says the monsignor, “try a little wine before you do your next mass.”

So the next time the priest delivers a real fire-and-brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, “How did I do this time?”

The fellow clergyman replies, “You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions.”

“First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not ‘Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.’

“Next, David slew Goliath; he didn’t ‘whip the shit out of him.’

“And last of all we are planning a taffy-pulling contest here at St. Peter’s, not a ‘Peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy.’”

Subject

A bank robber pulls out a gun, points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”

The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say, ‘Or you’re history’?”

The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

Fishing

One fine day, a priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to all go fishing. They manage to get to the water, and off they go.

One hour later, the minister says, “I think I forgot the food!” He steps off the boat, walks across the water, gets the picnic basket, and walks back!

Then, the rabbi says, “Oy vey! I forgot the drinks.” He steps right off the boat and walks across the water to get the drinks.

By this time, the priest is very frustrated! He excuses himself, and as he steps out of the boat, he falls in the water.

The minister turns to the rabbi and says, “You think we should have told him about the rocks?”

Best Friend

If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you.

Bird

Teacher: “Name a bird with wings but can’t fly.”
Student: “A dead bird, sir.”

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Pe’Pa is having a 99 ₵ SALE to promote ALL of his “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” to receive some 5 Star Reviews.

DAY 1 – Go to Amazon.com and buy the Kindle version of each of my joke books – so that a “Purchase Verified” Review can be posted the next day.

DAY 2 – Go back to Amazon, click on the book cover, scroll way down to the bottom of the page to “Product details”. Click on the “# ratings” (next to the stars). You will see all of my reviews. Post your review. (Use your first name and initial of last name, so I will know it is you.) Do this for all 4 books.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

Reviews convince browsers to buy.
It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on ALL joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please also review Volumes 1, 2, 3, & 4.