Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

Jane: “Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?”

99 cents for ALL “Pe’Pa’s” JOKE BOOKS

Stop Sign

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff.

He thinks he’s smarter, being a big-shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia.

The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?”

The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” says the sheriff impatiently.

The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration, and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.”

The lawyer steps out, and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

Where

Jane: “Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?”
Jill: “They already have boyfriends.”

Old Age

Two old guys were sitting under a tree watching the sun go down.

One says, “You know. “I’m eighty-four, and my body is full of aches and pains. You’re about my age. How do you feel?”

The other guy says, “Oh, I feel like a newborn baby.”

“Really?” asked the first guy.

“Yep!” says the second guy. “No teeth, no hair, and I think I just wet my pants.”

Search Party

A waiter returned to the table to ask the customer how his meal is, so far. “How did you find your steak?” the waiter asked.

The man said, “I just pushed a ton of mashed potatoes to the side, and there it was.”

Diapers

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly—and for the same reason.

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Pe’Pa is having a 99 ₵ SALE to promote ALL of his “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” to receive some 5 Star Reviews.

DAY 1 – Go to Amazon.com and buy the Kindle version of each of my joke books – so that a “Purchase Verified” Review can be posted the next day.

DAY 2 – Go back to Amazon, click on the book cover, scroll way down to the bottom of the page to “Product details”. Click on the “# ratings” (next to the stars). You will see all of my reviews. Post your review. (Use your first name and initial of last name, so I will know it is you.) Do this for all 4 books.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

Reviews convince browsers to buy.
It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on ALL joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please also review Volumes 1, 2, 3, & 4.