Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

INTRODUCTION – “Pe’Pā’ Best Jokes”

The purpose of this Blog is to introduce my new book – “Pe’Pā’ Best Jokes”.

It will be available soon in three volumes on Amazon Books and Amazon Kindle.

Pe’Pā’ (Jack) has chosen to publish here, the best of the jokes he has heard, perfected, and compiled over eighty years of laughing and telling jokes.

I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh.

I have tried to make  volumes 1 & 2 of this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I’ve resisted including them here, except for the ones that would likely go over the heads of our younger generation. I have also tried to eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist.

Volume 3  is my best dirty jokes. Obviously, do not leave it where children might find it.

Start each day with laughter by reading a few of these jokes and see how the smile on your face becomes contagious.

I hope that you enjoy all three volumes.

The following is a sample:

Seventy Bucks Is Seventy Bucks

A couple went to a country fair. At the fair, they were offering helicopter rides for seventy dollars.

The man said to his wife, “I’ve always wanted to go up in a helicopter.”

The wife said, “Seventy bucks is seventy bucks.”

So they went back to the same fair the next year, and the guy said to his wife, “I’m eighty this year. I might not get another chance to go up in a helicopter.”

The wife again said, “Seventy bucks is seventy bucks.”

The helicopter pilot overheard the conversation and said “I’ll make a deal with you. You both go up with me. If nobody says a word, it’s free. If either one of you speaks up, it’s seventy bucks.”

So they went up. The pilot did all kinds of tricks and finally landed, and he said, “I can’t believe that nobody said anything.”

The guy said, “I almost spoke up when my wife fell out, but seventy bucks is seventy bucks.”

You can find them at: John D. Gaskell