Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.

The teacher said, “Today’s class is going be about animals.

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E-Elephant

The teacher said, “Today’s class is going be about animals. I’m going give you a letter, and I want you to tell me what animal’s name begins with that letter. But please raise your hand and wait until I recognize you before giving me the answer.”

So the teacher said, “E.”

And Johnny jumped up and hollered out, “Elephant!”

And the teacher said, “The answer is correct, but I asked you to please wait till I call on you.”

She then said, “T.”

And Johnny jumped up again and said, “Two elephants!”

The teacher said, “Go to the principal’s office.”

Just as Johnny was going out the door, the teacher said “M.”

And Johnny hollered, “Maybe an elephant.”

Dead Dog

Grandma and Grandpa are trying to console Jill, whose dog BA has died.

“You know,” Grandma said, “it’s not so bad. BA is probably up in heaven right now having a grand old time with God.”

Jill stops crying and asks, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

Blind Man

A blind man with his seeing eye dog walked into a bar.

He picked up the dog by its tail and swung it around and around over his head.

The bartender ran up and asked, “Dude! What are you doing?”

The blind man replied, “Just looking around.”

Words

A boy was at school, and his teacher asked him to learn three new words over the weekend.

His father was a pilot and taught him the word takeoff. His mother is a zookeeper and taught him the word zebra. His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word baby. He went to school the next day and his teacher asked,

“What are your three words?”

The boy said, “Takeoff zebra baby.”

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Pe’Pa is having a SALE to promote ALL of his “Pe’Pa’s Beast Jokes” to receive some 5 Star Reviews.

Go to Amazon.com. Click on the book cover. Select the Kindle version and buy. Scroll to the bottom of the page and write a review for me.

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Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on ALL joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

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