Pe'Pa's Best Jokes

99 cents for ALL “Pe’Pa’s” JOKE BOOKS

Bank Hold-Up

A man holds-up a bank. After he has the money, the bank robber lines up the hostages and asks the first one, “Did you see me hold up the bank?”

The man says, “Well, sure I did,” and the bank robber shoots him.”

The bank robber then asks the second man, “Did you see me hold up the bank?”

The man says, “No, no, no. I didn’t see a thing. But my wife here, she sees everything.”

Caddie

Clyde was twenty-four over par by the eighth hole. He had landed a dozen balls in the water hazard and dug himself into a trench, fighting his way out of the rough.

When the caddy coughed during a one-foot putt, Clyde exploded. “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world, he screamed.”

“I doubt it,” replied the caddy. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Boots

A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she loves.

The husband says, “No chance, love. They’re way too expensive.”

Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep. The husband tries his luck and places his hand on her hip and lower on her thigh.

She turns to him and says, “I don’t think so, mate. If you’re not prepared to shoe a horse, then you’re sure as hell aren’t riding it.”

Painting

Mother Superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?”

“Blind man!”

The nuns look at each other, and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see. What could it hurt?” They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

Fast Chicken

While driving in the countryside, a man saw a chicken running alongside his car.

The chicken appeared to have three legs and was very fast. The man sped up to fifty miles an hour, and the chicken stayed right with him. At seventy-five, he was still there, jogging with a smirk on his face.

The motorist decided to stop and take a closer look, when all of a sudden the chicken darted into a farm driveway and disappeared.

As the man drove up to the farmhouse, the farmer walked out with his wife and young son.

“Have you seen a three-legged chicken around here?”

“Sure,” the farmer said. “That’s my chicken.”

“Really! How did he get three legs? He’s really fast.”

The old farmer said, “My wife and son and I live here alone. We each love fried chicken, especially the drumsticks. I decided to develop a new breed of chicken with three legs so we could each have a drumstick from only one chicken.”

Pe’Pa is having a 99 cent SALE to promote ALL of his “Pe’Pa’s Beast Jokes” to receive some     5 Star Reviews.

Go to Amazon.com. Click on the book cover. Select the Kindle version and buy. Scroll to the bottom of the page and write a review for me.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

• Reviews convince browsers to buy.
• It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
• It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on ALL joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please also review Volumes 1, 2, 3, & 4.

       Thank in advance for all Your Help.

99 cents for ALL “Pe’Pa’s” JOKE BOOKS

Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues.

Man: “I am eighty-two years old, have a wonderful wife of sixty years, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.

We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them.

Priest: “Are you sorry for your sins?”

Man: “What sins?”

Priest: “What kind of a Catholic are you?”

Man: “I’m Jewish.”

Priest: “Why are you telling me all this?.”

Man: “I’m eighty-two years old—I’m telling everybody!.”

Three Nickols

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A woman looks up, gets up from her seat, and makes her way to the boy. The woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel. Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her, saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. ‘Divorce attorney. I always get the last nickel.”

Convict

A gal walked into her favorite bar in Florida. After a few minutes, a handsome guy came in and sat next to her.

She said, “I haven’t seen you here before. Is this your first visit?”

The man said, “No, but I haven’t been back in twenty years.”

She said, “Twenty years? Why so long?”

He said, “Well, I’ve been in prison.”

“Prison,” she said. “Do you mind telling me why?”

The guy said, “Well I’m not proud of it, but I killed my wife.”

The gal said with a smile, “Oh, so you’re single.”

Rocking Chair

A woman is walking down the street and sees an old-timer on a porch in a rocking chair rocking back and forth with a huge smile on his face.

She stops and says, “Sir, would you mind telling me the secret to your longevity and your happiness?”

He says, “Well, I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. I drink a case of whiskey every week. I eat all the fatty foods that I want, and I never exercise.”

“That’s remarkable,” she says. “If you don’t mind me asking, sir, how old are you?”

He proudly replied, “I’m twenty-seven.”

Pe’Pa is having a 99 cent SALE to promote ALL of his “Pe’Pa’s Beast Jokes” to receive some     5 Star Reviews.

Go to Amazon.com. Click on the book cover. Select the Kindle version and buy. Scroll to the bottom of the page and write a review for me.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:

• Reviews convince browsers to buy.
• It will move up the rankings and get promoted under “Books You Might Also Like”.
• It will show that activity is taking place.

Consider buying a paperback copy for yourself.

Buy a paperback copy of all four of my books to place on your coffee table to entertain your guests.

I have temporally reduced the Kindle price on ALL joke books from $6.00 to 99 cents as a “Review” incentive.

Please also review Volumes 1, 2, 3,& 4.

       Thank in advance for all Your Help.