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BLOG # 10
VOLUMES 1 & 2 ARE FUNNY FOR EVERYONE
I hope they lift Spirits for you and your children.
GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
Seventy Bucks Is Seventy Bucks
A couple went to a country fair. At the fair, they were offering helicopter rides for seventy dollars.
The man said to his wife, “I’ve always wanted to go up in a helicopter.”
The wife said, “Seventy bucks is seventy bucks.”
So they went back to the same fair the next year, and the guy said to his wife, “I’m eighty this year. I might not get another chance to go up in a helicopter.”
The wife again said, “Seventy bucks is seventy bucks.”
The helicopter pilot overheard the conversation and said “I’ll make a deal with you. You both go up with me. If nobody says a word, it’s free. If either one of you speaks up, it’s seventy bucks.”
So they went up. The pilot did all kinds of tricks and finally landed, and he said, “I can’t believe that nobody said anything.”
The guy said, “I almost spoke up when my wife fell out, but seventy bucks is seventy bucks.”
Three Wise Men
The three wise men went to Bethlehem to visit Joseph and Mary in the stable and to see their newborn son. The extremely tall wise man hit his head on the door frame as he entered and exclaimed, “Jesus Christ!”
Joseph looked at Mary and said, “Write that down. I might like that much better than Clyde.
Doctors Never Laugh
A man went to the doctor and said, “I have a problem, but I am afraid that if I tell you, you’re going to laugh.”
The doctor replied, ”Of course, I won’t laugh. I’m a doctor. In over twenty years, I have never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” the patient said and dropped his trousers, revealing the tiniest hoo-ha the doctor had ever seen. It couldn’t have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the floor, laughing uncontrollably.
Ten minutes later, he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. The doctor apologized profusely and said, “I don’t know what came over me. On my honor, as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?”
“It’s swollen,” the patient replied.
JOKE BOOKS for EVERYONE
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published two Joke Books
FOR YOU & YOUR CHILDREN
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes Volumes 1 & 2 and are available on Amazon.com in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten your day with LAUGHTER !!!!!!
Keep a volume on your nightstand to start your day with a smile.
Keep both volumes on your coffee table to entertain your guests.
Each volume is just $9.95 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $6.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for a GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
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BLOG # 9
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: Why did the robber take a bath before he left the scene of the crime?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!Q: Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner!Q: Why did the kid throw his clock out the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!Q: What do you call a huge pile of cats?
A: A meow-ntain!Q: Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
A: Because he was a little shellfish!Q: Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
A: Because she’s always running away from the ball!Q: What does a rain cloud wear under its clothes?
A: Thunderwear!Q: Why do vampires seem sick all the time?
A: Because they’re always coffin!Q: How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying?
A: You rocket!Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web!Q: What are mummies’ favorite lunches?
A: Wraps!Q: How does Darth Vader like his toast?
A: On the dark side!Q: Why are mountains so funny?
A: They’re just hill areas!Q: What is the Easter bunny’s favorite type of music?
A: Hip-hop!Q: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
A: All they ever said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”Q: Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
A: Because they were watchdogs!Q: Why is grass so dangerous?
A: Because it’s full of blades!Q: What did the teacher say when a book fell on their head?
A: I have only my shelf to blame.Q: How do they keep the basketball arena cool?
A: They fill it with fans!GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book
JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days). or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for a GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
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BLOG # 8
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: Wow come no one picks statistics as their favorite subject?
A: It’s just average.Q: Why did two 4s skip dinner?
A: Because they already 8!Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
A: He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!Q: What did the triangle feel sorry for the circle?
A: Because it’s pointless!Q: Did you hear about the rancher who had 97 cows in his field?
A: When he rounded them up, he had 100!
Q: Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
A: Because his parents wouldn’t cosine!Q: What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place?
A: A roamin’ numeral!Q: Why should you never trust someone writing on graph paper?
A: Because they must be plotting something!Q: What do you call two guys who love math?
A: Algebros!What did the 90° angle say after an argument?
A: “It turns out, I was right!”Q: What tool do mathematicians use most?
A: Multi-pliers!Q: Why did the student get upset when their teacher called them average?
A: It was a mean thing to say!Q: If a math teacher had four apples in one hand and five apples in the other hand, what would they have altogether?
A: Really big hands!Q: What did the 0 say to the 8?
A: Nice belt!Q: Why should you never start a conversation with pi?
A: It’ll just go on forever!Q: What is a bird’s favorite type of math?
A: OWL-gebra!Q: Why do teenagers travel in groups of threes and fives?
A: Because they can’t even!Q: Did you hear about the circle that kept going to school?
A: It has 360°!GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book
JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days)
or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for a GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
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BLOG # 7
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who?
A: Hey, I didn’t know you could yodel!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nana. Nana who?
A: Nana your business!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Toodle. Toodle who?
A: Toodle-loo!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there. Spell. Spell who?
A: Okay, W-H-O!Q: What did the bunny say to the carrot?
A: It’s been nice gnawing you!Q: What do you call a sad strawberry?
A: A blueberry!Q: What did the pizza say to the topping?
A: I never sau-sage a pretty face!Q: Which vegetable do sailors hate the most?
A: Leeks!Q: Why did the cookie go to the nurse?
A: Because he felt crummy!Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A mon-key!Q: What happens when a grape gets run over crossing the street?
A: A traffic jam!Q: What does garlic do when it gets hot?
A: It takes its cloves off!Q: Where does fruit go on vacation?
A: Pear-is!Q: Why did the melons choose not to get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe!Q: What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
A: Yellow!Q: What did one dried fruit say when another asked it to the movies?
A: It’s a date!Q: What does a cow call an earthquake?
A: A milkshake!Q: Why did the man go to the yogurt museum?
A: To get a little culture!Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed climb up the hill?
A: Because it was on a roll!Q: Why can’t you trust tacos?
A: Because they always spill the beans!GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book
JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for a GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
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BLOG # 6
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Icy. Icy who?
A: Icy you in there!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who?
A: Dozen anyone want to let me in?Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scold. Scold who?
A: Scold outside, let me in!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water who?
A: Water you asking so many questions for, just open up!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hatch. Hatch who?
A: Bless you!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie who?
A: Annie body home?Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who?
A: Don’t cry, it’s just a joke!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who?A: Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? An interrupting cow.
A: An interrupt—MOO!
Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owls go. Owls go who?
A: That’s right!GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book
JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for a GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
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BLOG # 5
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?
A: “Ruff!”Q: What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
A: Chocolate mouse!Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: Starfish!Q: What does a triceratops sit on?
A: Its tricera-bottom!Q: Knock knock. Who’s there? Weekend. Weekend who?
A: Weekend do anything we want!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Figs. Figs who?
A: Figs the doorbell, I’ve been knocking forever!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Theodore. Theodore who?A: Theodore wasn’t opened so I knocked!
Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who?
A: You’re welcome!Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isabel. Isabel who?
A: Isabel not working?Q: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who?
A: ICE CREAM SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book
JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
-
BLOG # 4
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: Where do cows go on Friday nights?
A: They go to the moo-vies!Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing “Happy Birthday?”
A: Because she was just a little hoarse!Q: How do you keep a bull from charging?
A: Take away its credit card!Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted!Q: What do frogs order at fast-food restaurants?
A: French flies!Q: What do you call an alligator who solves mysteries?
A: An investigator!Q: Why is a snake difficult to fool?
A: You can’t pull its leg!Q: What kind of socks do grizzlies wear?
A: None, they have bear feet!Q: What do you get when you cross a snail with a porcupine?
A: A slowpoke!GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book
JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten a child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
-
BLOG # 3
“This is a new volume just for kids.”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: What did one plate say to the other?
A: Dinner is on me!Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don’t know the words!Q: What do sprinters eat before a race?
A: Nothing. They fast!Q: Two muffins are baking in an oven. One of them looks to the other and says, “Phew, it’s getting hot in here!”
A: The other looks back and says, “Ack! A talking muffin!”
Q: What do cats eat for breakfast?
A: Mice Crispies!Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: An irrelephant!GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book
JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volume in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) or
$9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
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Kids Blog # 2
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: How do you tell the difference between a bull
and a cow?
A: It is either one or the udder!
Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint!
Q: What’s the difference between a hippo and
a Zippo?
A: One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Q: Why can’t you send a duck to space?
A: Because the bill would be astronomical!
Q: What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
A: He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Q: What happened when the world’s tongue-twister
champion got arrested?
A: They gave him a tough sentence!
Q: What did the mama cow say to the calf?
A: It’s pasture bedtime!
GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
“KIDS” JOKE BOOK
“Pe’Pa’ – Jack” has published a Joke Book JUST FOR KIDS
It is called: Pe’Pa’s Best ‘Kids’ Jokes and is available on Amazon.com in four volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten s child’s day with a LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available for AS A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
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BLOG # 1
“This is a new volume just for kids”
I hope they lift your children’s Spirits.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide!
Q: Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?
A: They were going through a stage!
Q: Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
A: He was outstanding in his fi eld!
Q: Why are peppers the best at archery?
A: Because they habanero!
Q: What did the duck say after she bought Chapstick?
A: Put it on my bill!
Q: Why did an old man fall in a well?
A: Because he couldn’t see that well!
Q: What did the three-legged dog say when he
walked into a saloon?
A: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
GO TO: Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes
NEW JOKE BOOK FOR “KIDS”
Great News!
Jack has just published a KIDS “Joke Book.”
It is called: “Pe’Pa’s Best Jokes” and is available on Amazon.com in four volumes in both paperback and Kindle.
Brighten a child’s day with LAUGH!!!!!!
Each volume is just $14.99 in paperback (available in 3 days) or $9.00 in Kindle (available immediately).
Available FOR A GIFT. All you need is an e-mail address or a street address.
Who do you know that could use a laugh ??????
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes
I am now in my eightieth year. I’ve liked telling jokes since I was a youth. I guess, basically, I like making people laugh. When I first moved to Florida, I used to go every Saturday night to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my condo—not so much for the great food, but because of the pretty blond waitress. Her name was Sasha, and she had the sexiest Russian accent. She was fifty years too young for me, but a guy can dream. One night I told her my talking dog story: A man was walking down the street, and he saw a dog on somebody’s front lawn. Next to the dog was a sign. It said Talking Dog for Sale. The man looked at the sign, looked at the dog, and said, “I don’t believe it.” The dog spoke up and said, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup. A matter of fact, I’ve had a long career as a spy. They ship me off to conferences. I sit in the corner like I’m taking a nap, and I remember everything and come back and tell my handlers.” The guy said, “That’s fantastic. Why are they selling you?” The dog said, “I don’t know.” The guy went up to the door and knocked. Somebody came. The guy said, “Is this your dog?” The man said, “Yes.” The man asked, “How much do you want for him?” “Ah, you can have him for twenty dollars.” “Twenty bucks for a talking dog? Why so cheap?” the man asked. The owner said, “That dog’s a liar. He’s never been out of the front yard.” When I got to the part about the dog saying, “Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve been able to speak since I was just a pup,” Sasha held up her hand and said, “Is this a true story?” I haven’t dreamed about her since, and I haven’t been back to that restaurant again. I’ve tried to make this book G-rated. Although I like a good dirty joke, I have resisted including them here. I’ve also eliminated any jokes that might be considered racist, and I have stopped telling them. I hope that you enjoy this book. If you can improve on any of my jokes, let me know, and I might include your improvements in my next edition. Also, if you want to share a favorite joke, please send it to me. My e-mail address is ProValueBooks@outlook.com.
Pe'Pa's Best Jokes 